You Wan't Winners? Don't Look To Jim Cramer.

How soon people forget...Mad Money on CNBC is another sign that the Apocalypse must be near.

Check out this drivel from an infamous Jim Cramer TheStreet.com piece of, um, commentary on February 29, 2000 (you can hear the bell ringing in the background)...my [comments] are in brackets...

You want winners? You want me to put my Cramer Berkowitz hedge fund hat on and just discuss what my fund is buying today to try to make money tomorrow and the next day and the next? You want my top 10 stocks for who is going to make it in the New World? You know what? I am going to give them to you. Right here. Right now.

OK. Here goes. Write them down -- no handouts here!:

724 Solutions [$188.25 when Jimmy recommended it, $3.34 or so today]

Ariba [$264.50 then, $9.04 now]

Digital Island [bought by Cable & Wireless]

Exodus [Bankrupt]

InfoSpace.com [$217 then, $23.79 now...one of his less horrible picks..only down 90%]

Inktomi [bought for $1.65 by Yahoo]

Mercury Interactive [bought by HP]

Sonera [merged with Telia]

VeriSign [$253 when Jimbo recommended it, $29.09 today]

Veritas Software [merged with Symantec]

We are buying some of every one of these this morning as I give this speech. We buy them every day, particularly if they are down, which, no surprise given what they do, is very rare. And we will keep doing so until this period is over -- and it is very far from ending. Heck, people are just learning these stories on Wall Street, and the more they come to learn, the more they love and own! Most of these companies don't even have earnings per share, so we won't have to be constrained by that methodology for quarters to come...

How did this bizarro world where nine-tenths of the companies I have followed as a stock picker for the last 20 years are losers and one-tenth are winners? To answer that question, you have to throw out all of the matrices and formulas and texts that existed before the Web. You have to throw them away because they can't make money for you anymore, and that is all that matters. We don't use price-to-earnings multiples anymore at Cramer Berkowitz. If we talk about price-to-book, we have already gone astray. If we use any of what Graham and Dodd teach us, we wouldn't have a dime under management.

He also dismisses real companies like US Steel (up to $112 from $21.875 at the time of his bashing) and Union Pacific (up from $38 then to $118.76 now). Heckuva job, Cramer!

Another investment gem from the Mad Money guru:

First, any company that is a commodity producer simply can't be owned, no matter what.

Too funny! Finally there's this hilarious closer

So, if you can't own the retailers, and you can't own transports, and you can't own banks and brokers and financials and you can't own commodity makers and you can't own the newspapers, and you can't own the machinery stocks, what can you own?

A-ha, that just leaves us with tech. That's why we keep coming back to it. That's why, despite the 80% increase in the Nasdaq last year, we are looking at another record year now. It is by that process of elimination that I have picked my top 10. And my next 10 and my next 10 after. Only those companies are worth owning. The rest?

You can have them.

Thank you.

No, thank you Jim! For calling the top almost exactly.

The Nasdaq peaked about ten days after this clown's article.

Boo-yah!